literature

functional

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Azibel's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

functional
is getting out of bed
and
doing something
anything
as long as it distracts me
staring at myself in the mirror doesn’t
count
as a distraction
hyperfocus on every blemish
you’re twenty why do you still have acne
close your eyes
and look away
there’s no such thing as good enough

functional
is getting out of bed
and
going to class
putting on a face
tricking everyone
even myself
into believing i’m a well-adjusted member of
society
until the mask is peeled off
layer
by
layer

functional is
not
curling up in bed crying
and
hyperventilation
and
panic attacks at three in the morning
because you’re not enough
you’re never enough
your decisions are wrong
you are never going to achieve your dreams
are you even dreaming at all
do you actually want to do that
or are you just telling yourself you do so that you can feel normal and have a purpose
and
feel
like there’s something you’re working towards?

functional is
not
tears hiding behind
haunted eyes
or
frantic fingers knitting
or
pretending everything is okay

even when it's not


Comments3
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JRSnaith's avatar
I can so relate to this... the concept of being "functional" when all you want to do is crawl back into bed and stay there.